all star
by Neon Genesis
Summary: Birthday!fic for Kenna. Wherein Sakura is embarrassed, Sasuke is the Sausage King, and Naruto is the proud owner of a pimp staff. Oneshot, dialogue!fic. SasuSaku.


Happy birthday, Kennykins! Ah…this probably isn't what you expected…

--

**all star**

"You broke him!"

"_I _broke him? _You're _the one that—"

"Oh shit, I think he's waking up. What do we do?"

"Depends…how mad do you think he'll be?"

"On a scale of 'It's not that big a deal' to 'Ohmygod, let's get the fuck outta here before he shanks us'?"

"…Yeah, let's go with that."

"Then I'd say—"

"Uggggh…Naruto, Sakura…what the hell…happened…?"

"Ah, Sasuke-kun, you're awake! How lovely. Would you, um, like me to buy you some tea? It's lemon-flavored! Isn't that great? I think that's great."

"Sakura…why is your eye twitching? And what are you hiding behind your back, Naruto?"

"Errrrr…"

"Naruto, I swear—"

"Lemon drops, Sasuke-kun! They're selling lemon drops, too. Those would go great with lemon-flavored tea, dontcha think? So, um, I'll just…"

"Seriously, Sakura. What's going on? We were at that stupid Sausagefest thing, and then…"

"Hey! Do _not _knock Sausagefest, man! It's like, the greatest thing on earth. Well. I mean, it'd be better if it was _Ramen_fest, but this is the next best thing! Now, if it could be both sausage and ramen, well—…speaking of which, what d'you guys think sausage-flavored ramen would taste like?"

"Um, sausage?"

"…Ah. Very clever, Sakura-chan, very clever! Of course, if you were _really _smart, you might have actually been able to distract Sasuke before I had to resort to as drastic a measure as hitting him over the head with my pimp staff."

"_What?_"

"Naruto, you idiot! Nothing, Sasuke-kun, nothing at all!"

"…Whoa, dude, seriously, stop with the freaky red eyes."

"Tell me the truth."

"You want the truth? _You can't handle the truth!_ …Sorry. I've just always wanted to do that. But seriously! You're not gonna intimidate me into…oh wow, you even got the Mangekyo goin' on and everything…but, um…okay, okay! I'll talk! I'd like to start out by saying…this was all Sakura-chan's fault!"

"I can't believe you just said that, Naruto! _You're _the one who went and got him crowned Sausage King and then knocked him out with your pimp staff when he got mad and started to beat the crap out of you!"

"Okay, two things, the first being that _you made me the Sausage King_ and the second being that _you hit me over the head with your fucking pimp staff_?!"

"Ah, Sasuke…now before you do anything rash, just remember the motto of the hippies: peace, love, and drugs."

"How does that help him…?"

"It doesn't, I'm just trying to distract him before he kills me…"

"I can hear you."

"…Oh, hi, Sasuke! When'd you get here? Man, great day, isn't it? All, you know…great and…day-ish…"

"Cut the crap, Naruto, I'm gonna—"

"Look, Sasuke-kun! They're selling tiaras at that booth over there, see? I could be the Sausage _Queen_! I'll just set down this tea and—crap! I can't believe I spilled it! And all over my new white shirt, too…jeez…"

"…"

"Nice red bra, Sakura-chan…"

"Shut _up_, Naruto! You are so—"

"_Whoa_, check it out! Sasuke's got a boner!"

"Naruto, don't be sil—_oh_. Um, well. …I didn't know you were so…ahhh…well-endowed, Sasuke-kun…"

"Hah! I _knew _there was a reason the Uchiha genes were so coveted…"

"…I hate both of you. I'm leaving."

"…Ladies and gentlemen, the Sausage King has left the building! That's all, folks."

"Okay that was just weird, Naruto."

"Yeah, well so was Sasuke's—_ow_!"

* * *

-blinks- UM. Well. Obviously this is far from my finest work, but the original story ended up going absolutely nowhere, so I started this and it just kinda wrote itself. Granted, it's very...bizarre and WTF-ish, but, uhhhh...

ENEEWEIGH. Happy birthday, Kenna! =D Sorry this is so short. And strange. But I only have like, three hours left until your birthday is over. Shitshitshit. Blame my horse, she's been being a bitch to me all day. -sulks- I just spent like, half an hour chasing her around the woods. It was seriously Not Fun. But that's beside the point. Hope your birthday was rockin'! And that uh, you didn't have to traumatize old people with your less-than-mad golf skills or anything...

Prompts: lemon drops, tiaras, Sausagefest, pimp staff, "Sasuke's got a boner!"

Disclaimer: ...No words, dude. Just walk away.


End file.
